Fear and Divorce

There are many reasons a person may choose to stay in a difficult marriage and a lot of those reasons are related to fear.

It may be Fear of the Future, Fear relating to the impact of the divorce on your children, and Fear of being alone.  The idea of getting a divorce can be scary.

Fear # 1 – Fear of The Future. 

This is a fear most people have when contemplating divorce. Your fear may be very logical and real. You do not know what the outcome will be.  You need assurance that everything will be alright; but the assurance is not there.   It is not unusual to have anxiety over questions such as where you will live, how you will pay the bills, how you will financially afford to take care of your children, etc.   No one knows what the future holds.  This is true whether you stay married or not.  As a married couple you may be financially secure today, but as we have recently seen with the onset of the Covid-19 Pandemic, that may not be necessarily true tomorrow.  You cannot let fear of the unknown paralyze you into inaction. While you cannot predict the future, you can plan for it.  You can set goals and have visions for your life. When making the decision to divorce, be proactive by putting yourself in the best position to be successful when your divorce is finalized.  Make sure you have support, spiritually, emotionally, financially socially and legally.  

Fear # 2 – Fear of the Impact of Divorce on Their Children. 

Some people stay in a relationship for the “benefit” of the children.  They fear that a divorce may have negative and everlasting effects on the children.  However, it is not always better for your children to stay married.  It is important that you understand your children’s feelings about divorce and that you  empathize with those feelings.  You need to be able to talk to them about how a divorce may impact them.  However, the thought that staying in a bad marriage is somehow better for your children may be more of a justification of why you believe you should be afraid to proceed with a divorce.  What can be more traumatizing for a child of divorced parents is a child that lives in a home filled with negative emotions, tension, and chronic conflict. Children absorb these feelings and can even believe they are responsible for them. If you are in an unhappy marriage or a marriage with constant conflict and make the decision to end your marriage, you might just be modeling for your children that they do not have to be passive participants in their own unhappiness.

Fear # 3 – Fear of Being Alone 

Many people are afraid of being alone.  They fear that if they divorce, they will be alone forever.  They are afraid that they have been part of a couple for so long that they will never learn how to be an individual again.  Marriage with all its imperfections and frustrations is the thing you know.  There is comfort in what is familiar even if the familiar is uncomfortable.  However, do not let fear of being alone keep you from moving forward.  Choose to take a positive perspective that leads to a curiosity about what your new life has in store for you.  It is a time to rediscover you.  

There are just a few of the many reasons a person may fear divorce. The Collaborative Divorce process can help to reduce those fears. The Collaborative Divorce team will help you through this difficult time. Your attorney will help with fears related to the legal aspect of ending your marriage. The financial professional with help with fears related to money and creating a post-divorce budget. The mental health professional will help address the other fears and will help create a parenting plan. 

To learn more about Collaborative Divorce, contact Megan Rachel today at (214) 423-5100.

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