Megan Rachel

There are many reasons a person may choose to stay in a difficult marriage and a lot of those reasons are related to fear.

It may be Fear of the Future, Fear relating to the impact of the divorce on your children, and Fear of being alone.  The idea of getting a divorce can be scary.

Fear # 1 – Fear of The Future.

This is a fear most people have when contemplating divorce. Your fear may be very logical and real. You do not know what the outcome will be.  You need assurance that everything will be alright; but the assurance is not there.  It is not unusual to have anxiety over questions such as where you will live, how you will pay the bills, how you will financially afford to take care of your children, etc.  No one knows what the future holds.  This is true whether you stay married or not.  As a married couple you may be financially secure today, but as we have recently seen with the onset of the Covid-19 Pandemic, that may not be necessarily true tomorrow.  You cannot let fear of the unknown paralyze you into inaction. While you cannot predict the future, you can plan for it.  You can set goals and have visions for your life. When making the decision to divorce, be proactive by putting yourself in the best position to be successful when your divorce is finalized.  Make sure you have support, spiritually, emotionally, financially socially and legally.

Fear # 2 – Fear of the Impact of Divorce on Their Children.

Some people stay in a relationship for the “benefit” of the children.  They fear that a divorce may have negative and everlasting effects on the children.  However, it is not always better for your children to stay married.  It is important that you understand your children’s feelings about divorce and that you empathize with those feelings.  You need to be able to talk to them about how a divorce may impact them.  However, the thought that staying in a bad marriage is somehow better for your children may be more of a justification of why you believe you should be afraid to proceed with a divorce.  What can be more traumatizing for a child of divorced parents is a child that lives in a home filled with negative emotions, tension, and chronic conflict. Children absorb these feelings and can even believe they are responsible for them. If you are in an unhappy marriage or a marriage with constant conflict and make the decision to end your marriage, you might just be modeling for your children that they do not have to be passive participants in their own unhappiness.

Fear # 3 – Fear of Being Alone

Many people are afraid of being alone.  They fear that if they divorce, they will be alone forever.  They are afraid that they have been part of a couple for so long that they will never learn how to be an individual again.  Marriage with all its imperfections and frustrations is the thing you know.  There is comfort in what is familiar even if the familiar is uncomfortable.  However, do not let fear of being alone keep you from moving forward.  Choose to take a positive perspective that leads to a curiosity about what your new life has in store for you.  It is a time to rediscover you.

There are just a few of the many reasons a person may fear divorce. The Collaborative Divorce process can help to reduce those fears. The Collaborative Divorce team will help you through this difficult time. Your attorney will help with fears related to the legal aspect of ending your marriage. The financial professional with help with fears related to money and creating a post-divorce budget. The mental health professional will help address the other fears and will help create a parenting plan.

To learn more about Collaborative Divorce, contact Megan Rachel today at (214) 423-5100.

Contact me online or call 214-396-2048 to schedule a consultation to discuss your family law needs today.

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Successful co-parenting requires child-centered decision making.

You must put your issues with your ex-spouse aside and do what is necessary to make good joint decisions on behalf of your child. Successful co-parents have their child at the center of their conversations. The child is their focus, This means that during the conversations you can’t you cannot have negative thoughts about your ex-spouse or be silently seething over the fact that his/her parenting style is so much different (and in your opinion worse) than your own. Even though you are no longer living together, you must continue to work together as a team to make decisions with respect to the child.

Reasons Why Co-Parenting May Be Unsuccessful

1. Undermining the other parent -.  A parent can undermine the other parent by making statements such as “I am sorry mommy/daddy did this to you, it must be very upsetting.” or “I am sorry mommy/daddy yelled at you, I am sure that was really upsetting, I would never do that to you”. “I am sorry mommy/daddy doesn’t spend more time with you, I know that must be hurtful, but I am always here for you.” When a parent undermines the authority of the other parent, it can make co-parenting difficult. .  If a child witnesses one parent being disrespectful to the other parent, the child may believe it is ok for him or her to be disrespectful to the other parent as well, which further undermines that parent’s authority over the child.
2. Poor Communication— If you are busy making personal jabs, making accusations, or bringing up the past, it will be difficult if not impossible to have reasonable meaningful conversations and make joint decisions about your child.
3. Using the Child as a Pawn— When a parent is more concerned about using the child as a pawn in an attempt to hurt and inflict emotional pain on the other parent, it can be difficult if not impossible to co-parent.

Successful Co-Parenting Tips

Here are three tips for positive coparenting.

1. Set hurt, anger, frustration, and other negative feelings about your ex-spouse aside– You need to find a healthy way to deal with and resolve those feelings, but it should never involve your child.  Remember, your issues with your ex-spouse are your issues not your child’s. Speaking negatively about your ex-spouse to your child or within hearing of your child can be emotionally detrimental to them because a child often views himself/herself as a combination of their parents. When you speak negatively about your ex-spouse to them or in front of them, they may view you as also speaking negatively about them.
2. Keep the conversations positive and focused on the child- Keep conversations businesslike, professional and positive—no personal jabs, accusations or bringing up the past.  Make requests, not demands.  Make sure you listen as well as talk.  You both should be able to express opinions without feeling you will be verbally attacked. Most importantly, be flexible.
3. Co-parent as a team– you do not have to like one another to be able to successfully coparent as a team—you just need to love your child more than you dislike your ex-spouse.  It is ok for parents to have different parenting styles and for children to understand that their parents may have different views on things and to learn to be flexible.  However, children also need to know they are living under the same basic set of expectations whether they are at mom’s house or dad’s house. A consistent set of rules will avoid confusion for your child. Children learn quickly how to play one parent against the other if rules in the homes vary greatly.  This can end up causing even more animosity between parents.  Your child is not part of the coparenting team.  Do not involve them in your coparenting decisions. Do not discuss parenting issues with them, and don’t ask their opinion about how certain issues might be handled.  It is important for the child to see their parents as a united team.

Raising children is never easy.

All good parents want to help their children succeed in life. Following these co-parenting tips will go a long way in assuring that you and your ex raise happy, healthy children.

Contact me online or call 214-396-2048 to schedule a consultation to discuss your family law needs today.

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Coparenting is child-centered decision making.

It is parents working together to ensure that their child thrives.  Successful coparenting allows both parents to play an active role in their child’s daily life. Successful coparenting is the best way to ensure that all of your child’s needs will continue to be met.  Successful coparenting will enable your child to retain a positive relationship with each parent.

You may have concerns about your ex’s parenting abilities or think you will never be able to overcome all the resentments you may harbor against your ex.. Speaking cordially with your ex-spouse, much less making joint agreed upon decisions about your child, can seem like an impossible task. In addition, a child can often sense the tension and anger that exists between their parents.  In order to successfully coparent your child, parents need to be able put aside their anger, hurt feelings and frustrations

Here are three tips for positive coparenting.

Set hurt, anger, frustration, and other negative feelings about your ex-spouse aside.

You need to find a healthy way to deal with and resolve those feelings, but it should never involve your child.  Your child should never hear you say negative things about your ex-spouse and they should never hear any arguments you may have with your ex-spouse. Remember, your issues with your ex-spouse are your issues not your child’s. Speaking negatively about your ex-spouse to your child or within hearing of your child can be emotionally detrimental to them, because a child often views himself/herself as a combination of their parents. When you speak negatively about your ex-spouse to them or in front of them, they may view you as also speaking negatively about them.

Work on improving communication with your ex-spouse—keep the conversations positive and focused on the child

Keep conversations businesslike, professional and positive—no personal jabs, accusations or bringing up the past.  Make requests, not demands.  Make sure you listen as well as talk.  You both should be able to express opinions without feeling you will be verbally attacked. Most importantly, be flexible.

Co-parent as a team

you do not have to like one another to be able to successfully coparent as a team—you just need to love your child more than you dislike your ex-spouse.  It is ok for parents to have different parenting styles and for children to understand that their parents may have different views on things and to learn to be flexible.

However, children also need to know they are living under the same basic set of expectations whether they are at mom’s house or dad’s house. A consistent set of rules will avoid confusion for your child. Children learn quickly how to play one parent against the other if rules in the homes vary greatly.  This can end up causing even more animosity between parents.  Your child is not part of the coparenting team.  Do not involve them in your coparenting decisions. Do not discuss parenting issues with them, and don’t ask their opinion about how certain issues might be handled.  It is important for the child to see their parents as a united team.

Each parent has valuable strengths. Recognize that you and your ex-spouse have different traits that can enhance the coparenting process and always keep your children as your focus when making coparenting decisions.

Contact me online or call 214-396-2048 to schedule a consultation to discuss your family law needs today.

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The Coronavirus has created difficulties for everyone, but, divorced or separated parents face special challenges.

There are important things you should know if you are trying to co-parent children during the current stay-at-home orders.

Dallas, Denton, Collin, and Rockwall counties have, among other counties, announced shelter-in-place rules due to COVID-19 (Coronavirus) concerns. Even though your children can’t currently attend school, the possession schedule as contained in your custody orders must still be followed as if the children were, in fact, still in school.

Co-parenting and Visitation Schedules are Still in Effect

The shelter-in-place rules do not change your normal visitation or co-parenting schedule. This holds true even if you are concerned the other parent isn’t as careful about sheltering the children from the illness as you are.

The courts have been very clear:

• Don’t withhold your children from the other parent because of COVID-19 safety measures
• Follow your original schedule until you hear otherwise from the courts themselves
• Even with the shelter-in-place rules, parents are allowed to and must travel in order to meet the other parent for an exchange of the children.

What About This Summer?

There might be questions that come up over summer possession, as people sometimes put their children on planes, and some individuals and children cross state lines for summer possession.  If the current shelter-in-place orders are extended into June, an individual or child crossing state lines could possibly face a two week quarantine.—what do you do in those instances? The courts have not come out with any specific orders yet, but as the summer gets closer it may become necessary that such orders be issued.  Before you unilaterally make a decision to not abide by the summer schedule set forth in your custody order, you should contact your attorney or visit the below websites that relate to your county for any updated order relating to summer possession.

Do What is Best for the Children’s Emotional Wellbeing

During this pandemic, parents need to keep in mind their children’s emotional well-being.  Making the possession schedule and the exchanges more difficult for the other parent may be very hard, emotionally on a child. Disagreements over possession schedules during this COVID-19 crisis can make things even tougher for parents that already struggle to get along.  This in turn can negatively affect your child’s emotional well-being if he or she senses anger and or tension between the parents. Many of my clients who have called and talked to me about possession issues relating to COVID-19 have been able to work it out.

Sometimes, it takes nothing more than a letter or an e-mail to the other parent with a clear explanation of the courts current expectations regarding compliance with possession schedules.

and requesting that the other parent comply. Such a letter or an e-mail can and has resulted in parents willingly going back to the original possession schedule. In truth, most parents, given a gentle nudge are willing to comply with orders even if they are feeling anxious about the current health crisis.

Regardless of what’s going on during this crisis, remember that you cannot unilaterally make changes to your possession schedule. This does not mean, however that changes can’t be made.  You continue to have the ability to reach out to the other parent to discuss the situation and try to reach agreements regarding possible changes the possession schedule.  You can find the Shelter-in-Place Orders for each county using these links.

Denton County Shelter-In-Place Order
Dallas County Shelter-In-Place Order
Collin County Shelter-In-Place Order
Rockwall County Shelter-In-Place Order

You are able to monitor local websites for news of closures and other announcements.

For Collin County Court updates view www.collincountytx.gov/district_courts/

For Denton County Court updates view

www.dentoncounty.gov/526/District-Family-Courts

For Dallas County Court updates view

www.dallascounty.org/covid-19/closures.php

For Rockwall County Court updates view www.Rockwallcountytexas.com/AlertCenter.aspx

Contact me online or call 214-396-2048 to schedule a consultation to discuss your family law needs today.

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As social distancing and shelter in place rules in response to the coronavirus (COVID-19) filter down through the different counties and cities and become part of the norm of our daily existence here are some guidelines for general questions you may have about how this will affect co-parenting, custody and visitation.

Will the shelter in place rules and required social distancing affect my divorce and/or custody case in the Courts?

The short answer is yes.  With the current shelter in place rules and required social distancing, the courts in Collin, Denton, Dallas and Rockwall County are rescheduling what are termed as non-essential court matters and essential court matters are being heard remotely through apps such as Zoom meetings.

In the area of family law, an essential court matter is a matter that involves a temporary restraining order/temporary injunction or family violence protective orders.

You are able to monitor local websites for news of closures and other announcements.

For Collin County Court updates view www.collincountytx.gov/district_courts/

For Denton County Court updates view

www.dentoncounty.gov/526/District-Family-Courts

For Dallas County Court updates view

www.dallascounty.org/covid-19/closures.php

For Rockwall County Court updates view www.Rockwallcountytexas.com/AlertCenter.aspx

Divorce Options Not Involving Court

If you have a pending divorce action or a pending custody matter, you can still proceed if you choose.  Many courts are encouraging those who have pending cases to reach temporary or final resolutions through mediation.  Many mediators are continuing to handle mediations remotely through the Zoom meeting app or something similar.

In addition, in a time like this, a Collaborative Divorce might be a great choice.  Parties still have the ability to proceed with a Collaborative Divorce with little to no delays. Since parties agree up front to not seek court involvement, the fact that the Courts may not be available does not affect your case.  Joint meeting with parties, their attorneys and the professional neutral(s) can be held very effectively through remote meeting apps. In addition, parties can still have their meetings individually with the professional neutrals in the same way a before except that the meetings are held remotely.

Does the Shelter in Place Order issued by the Texas Supreme Court affect your currently possession schedule?

The Texas Supreme Court has made it clear that the shelter in place order does not affect current possession orders.  If you have court orders setting out possession of and access to your children, you must continue to comply with the court ordered possession schedule.  In addition although most if not all schools have closed, such closures do not operate to modify the school calendar that existed before the Coronavirus emergency.  In other words, even though schools are closed you must continue to exchange your children with the other parent as if school were in session.

Possession of and access to a child shall not be affected by any shelter-in-place order or other order restricting movement issued in connection with the Covid-19 emergency.

Contact me online or call 214-396-2048 to schedule a consultation to discuss your family law needs today.

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